It's been so long since I've been here that I tried to log on 4 times before remembering my screen name. Yikes, was it really in July when I was last here? Eee-ghads!

Just to update anyone who's interested, Zach and Godzilla, my two old men ratties, both passed away in November. Zach recovered from his surgery rather well overall, but it was really downhill from there just because he was so old already. He was eating, drinking, moving around, and taking treats from me until the very morning he passed away, so at least he didn't suffer for a long period of time. Almost 2 weeks later, Goz passed away in almost the same manner. They had good lives. 

The two new boys are doing well, and are as mischievous as ever. I can't remember if I posted but Skit was renamed Dexter and Paws was renamed Dieter (or DeeDee). They know their names pretty well now and like to come out and watch me spin (on the few occassions that I actually spin). 

I just finished my first class for my program...well, sort of. I have one last assignment due on Monday that I'm working on. The sooner I get it done, the better I will feel. At that point, I will officially be 1/12 of the way through. Ummm...yippie? It's going to be a long ride.

Work is still work, and I'm hoping that some other things work out by next fall that will allow me to move on and concentrate more on getting through the graduate program more quickly.

I got to hang out with KB's family on Turkey day, which was a lot more relaxing for me than Easter. I actually had a good conversation with his mom. They all seem to like me alright, and I really like them, so that's good, right?

For any of you L&V listeners out there, V accidentally lost several episodes that we had recorded, one of which included my post-birthday thank you to everyone who sent emails and e-cards. Oops! So for what it's worth, thank you to everyone who sent me a birthday wish!

I'm knitting sometimes, when I can, but I honestly don't even know what I'm knitting right now. I have too many things going to keep track and just grab the nearest WIP when I have 5 minutes, regardless of what it is. 

And on a completely random note, has anyone seen Tinman? It's good! I have seen the same bit of it twice now because I keep missing the beginning, but in spite of that, it's really enjoyable. I like the storyline and the cinematography.

Hopefully, if I can find the motivation to organize myself, I will get back here to post some pics of knitting and whatnot. I will admit that I am not of the personality type that can get motivated to become involved extensively in online goings-on, even when I mean to do so. If I had two of me or if our clocks had been based on a 48-hour day cycle, I might have better luck. Just don't be upset. I like you all. I think about you all. I'm just not here often enough to say it.

Through a random, round-about way, I found an old college friend of mine on myspace. She had apparently sent me a friend request yesterday and I had approved it, even though I didn't log onto myspace yesterday. It's all good because she is a friend that I miss often and had lost touch with. And yet, there she was, with her college nickname that she insisted we all stop using (despite the difficulty we all have of calling her anything else). From her profile I found friend after friend after friend from college...a whole slew of my old Cornell friends right there on myspace. That finally led me to an ex. He really isn't "an" ex; he's "the" ex from those days. We were together for 5 years, lived with each other for most of that time, went through a lot of happy experiences, growth, crap, etc. 

All I have left are the memories, and every so often, the question in the back of my head that goes something along the lines of, "What the f*#k was I thinking?" The first two years with him in my life were two of the best; the last three were three of the worst. After almost 5 years, under the pretense that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, I left a good job that I loved in a city that I felt at home in for an equally good job that I liked in the middle of BFE Iowa. It was 30 minutes to anything, and at least an hour to anything good. I watched everything fall apart around us for the first two months we were there until I came home one day from work and all of his stuff (and some of mine) was packed up and gone. Just like that. 

He freaked out for a month and traveled until he came back, sort of, and wanted me to hang around while he tried to figure things out. Figuring things out meant all kinds of things that I had already gone through years before meeting him and really wasn't interested in waiting for him to go through. I found out through 3rd parties that he had been sleeping with anything that moved whenever he was away at ren faires for the weekends, and had even stalked an acquaintance of mine and a friend of his. Some of our mutual friends were under the impression that I had found out about all of this and kicked him out. Others thought that he had left me because I beat him on a regular basis and he was finally getting away from the abuse. I lost some of my college friends over this one. As if I could beat the crap out of a great big solid 6'4" Scots-Irish man. I lost in tickle fights. There's no way I could have ever taken him physically in any kind of brawl. But people believed him. 

So as I sat just a few minutes ago looking at his profile picture, I noted how much and how little he still looks like the guy I used to be so close to. I also realized how unattractive he is to me now. Funny, that. It's in the past. I've dealt with the pain and the wounds. I've even picked myself up a couple of times since then. I'm in a much better place in my life now. I can deal with a lot more than I could back then. I've learned an amazing amount of stuff which I didn't even realize back then I that I didn't know. I was stung for a moment as all of the memories came flooding back, and then I realized how enriched I became from it all. I feel weird. I feel lonely. I know that it will pass and in a matter of hours I will be meeting a group of friends to go see Flogging Molly, not to mention those that I will see later on this week and this weekend. I know I'm in a much better place emotionally now than I ever was then. The next time I drink, I think I'm going to raise my glass and make a toast to my friends here. I don't know what I would do without them.

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

One month later, I'm finally back here to post an update. And this one is brief since I don't have my camera to download photos and whatnot. Smudge passed away on the night of Wed, Sept 27th. I held him in my lap that evening as I worked on the show notes, and then set him in his cage when I had to leave around 8:00. I returned home at about 2:00 am to find him gone and in the same position he was when I laid him down on the fluffy towel in his cage. I give kudos to the Kilted One for dealing so well with my late-night sobbing phone call. We had parted only about 15 minutes before I called him, but I know I woke him up. He didn't seem to mind at all. That in itself means more to me than he will probably ever realize.

L&V is on a brief hiatus as Miss V deals with life stuff of her own. The Platonic Boyfriend and I have been splitting dog duty. Last night as I was sitting in the living room with all of the dogs, I realized how ga-ga I am over Shenzi. She's always been the mastermind behind things and sometimes her intelligence can be a bit startling, but last night as I was scratching her armpits (yep, I did just say scratching her armpits), she gazed up at me adoringly and then she and Alex proceeded to follow me around the house in that protective manner that dogs do. It's just really neat to be part of the pack.

I miss E and J, and realize with them out of town how much time I spend over at their place on a regular basis. If I can get my butt in gear, I might make some headway on several major projects by the time they return. I've spent the last few nights bent over my notebook, needles, and yarn, only to be frustrated by the results (or lack thereof) and frog the whole project. Last night I almost scrapped my current design completely, but today I realize what was off kilter and will hopefully be able to fix it tonight. So here we go with round 3.0...

At some point in the near future, I am going to download my bazillion pictures that are stored on my camera right now, and get a new post up about my latest FOs and WIPs. There has been a lot of them lately, and even more floating around in my head (so many that I find it easier to go about my normal business than to sit down and organize them). Tonight I am off to the house once more for some time with the dogs, perhaps a good movie, and hopefully some good ol' yarny success.